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My life is a living testimony of what God can do to a human being.

Friday, 31 December 2010

awaken happiness

I always get what I want.
But I can't always get what I want
And since I always get what I want
I got upset if I don't get what I want

It isn't that I can't get a book, or new shoes,  cool phone, latest gadget, vacation, or else
Is about to be with a person I've wanted to be with. and I can't.


Somehow, I find a way to heal my wounded heart.
by giving gifts, pressie.
Bringing their dreams come to pass
When I make other people happy, I become happy.
Seeing those eyes and smiles, priceless.
Only a person who is happy can awake happiness in others. Paulo Coelho.

Find yours :)

Thursday, 30 December 2010

Cinta tidak harus memiliki

Hatchi Senorita Pasaribu.

My Shih Tzu baby girl dog. Called as "Achie" 
a very princess like dog who behaves fairy majestic. Achie doesn't bark too much not even to stranger. She is very friendly and gained lots of favor from friends and family of ours.
Achie sleeps in my sister's room. She owns her keranjang, she would initiate sleep on her own.
She is a fat girl with long silky super white highlighted bronzed hair. Very gorgeous. 
Just like a princess, if we take her to pet saloon, she would wiggled delightfully with chin up and big grin on her face. Her favorite is blow hair part, i know that Achie thrilled about the wind sensation that sway her hair along :D

She is now 7 years old. Still single. Unmarried.
She's been suffering of itchy skin for months. The wounds are getting swollen, re-dish, and bleeding.
My sister has been very patient taking care of Achie. I most likely cry seeing her trembling karena nahan sakit. I just cant stand it :(((
Achie is a brave dog. She remains calm when my sister put Betadine and all those liquid over the bleedy wounds. She never flee or behave dis proper when sister in action. Even if we deep her in warm salty water, she just calmly obey and remain stable. That breaks my heart :(

It's been months and no sign of any improvement shown, she still in pain and getting any worse.
Mom once bring up the idea about putting her to sleep, an Euthanasia.
At first i was brutally against the idea. That's rough and inhuman, we still have hope. There's still alternative ways we can try to make her feel better :( 
But as I stayed home for December holiday and get to see Achie everyday, I started to think like Mom used to. 
I don’t want to keep the dog alive and in pain for my own benefit and selfishness. I've gotten to the thinking of what lifestyle my dog is currently having. She is not happy, sick, and suffering
Cinta tidak harus memiliki. What's the point of having her around the house but she sleeps everyday, cried, and in pain most of the time :(
If we put her to sleep, she would have no longer dealing with wounds and those stinky disease right?

I called our vet, dr.Bambang and dr.Cut to give counsel what to do. Should we continue the treatment or put her to sleep.
Her reaction was way than i was expected. 
"Ruth, saya nggak sanggup untuk nidurin Achie. Lebih baik harus operasi 10 anjing daripada harus nidurin binatang. Saya nggak tega. Saya saran gini aja: diskusikan dulu dengan keluarga, pastikan dulu semuanya ikhlas dan nerimo. Lalu ajak Achie ngomong baik2 apakah dia mau pulang atau mau bertahan hidup, karena biasanya anjing akan pergi dengan sendirinya"
I was deliberately sobbed  out, I told the doctor that I don't have the guts to do so, I don't have the heart to let her go but if this is the way to get her any better, then I would.....
I cried and cried and cried. 

She loves taking (long hours) nap. Look at her gorgeous thick hair. Lovely.
Cinta tidak harus memiliki, aku sayang sama Achie and I know for sure Achie loves me in return.
Tapi aku ga perlu memilikinya terus kalo dia nggak happy :( 
Like I many times mention that the happiness of others are what matters the most with or without me
The quality of her life is the significant issue.
“Should I put my dog to sleep?” is a difficult question, and just thinking about pet euthanasia is heartbreaking. But, letting go could be the best decision for my dog.

Achie my sweetheart, if you don't get any better, if you were still suffering, and if we ever had to put you to sleep, please forgive me and us the rest of the family. Know this is for your own good, sayang...

You've been a very very very much lovable Shih Tzu dog I always proud of. Mon cherie :)

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Pertama yang tersulit

masa silam hanya ada di buku-buku
dan dokumen-dokumen usang
dan aku menjerit setengah gila
menangis meraung-raung setelah membacanya
setiap malam adalah malam pertama
setiap pagi adalah pagi yang pertama
dan setiap cinta adalah cinta pertama

kesedihan yang paling dalam adalah
menjalani hidup tanpa mencintai
tapi bukankah sama sedihnya, jika meninggalkan dunia ini tanpa mengatakan
pada orang yang kau cintai bahwa kau mencintainya
kau benar-benar membutuhkan dirinya.
bahwa kau amat sangat sayang padanya.

Jadi, aku mulai saja dengan yang tersulit:
aku mencintaimu untuk dapat menjalani hidup yang sulit ini.

buku pink

Friday, 24 December 2010

I want nothing else

Correct me if I'm wrong
I have no idea what to ask God this Christmas. God has been there for me throughout the year.
I (always) get what I want but one thing. God knows. Even though I still not getting that one thing, I didn't ask for it.
If I had one chance to ask God, that would be KANTONG DORAEMAON. Noh I'm joking
I only only only ask for a new spirit. Heart that desiring God's presence and full of love, Eyes that seeing from God's perspective, and Brain like Jewish.

Merry Christmas

The best things in life can’t fit into a gift bag

or be wrapped up tight with a bow —
they are smiles that say “I care,”
hugs given right on time,
and hearts that know what hasn’t even been said...
I know a lot about the best things in life
because I have one of them —
I have you, as a friend.
Thanks for your gift of friendship!

Ruthie wishes you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Thursday, 23 December 2010


"But how will I know who my soulmate is?"
"By taking risks", she said to Brida
"By risking failure, dissapointment, dissilusion, but never ceasing in your searh for Love. As long as you keep looking, you will triumph in the end." -Brida, Paulo Coelho

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Two thousand and ten

Today is December 15th 2010. 16 days to go to 2011.
Don't you think that time flies way too fast?
So many had happened within a year. Things changed, people come and go, burst into laughter, shed tears, hearts are mended, questions remain unanswered, on and on

Here are some life lesson learned 0f 2010

1. Because like seasons, people change.
People who say breakups with boyfriends or girlfriends are the most painful kind have never had a BEST FRIEND walk away.
2 NGAPAINnya ga penting, SAMASAPAnya yang penting.
I love my bestfriends. To be exact nobody but Janete Fernandesz Lamury and Susan Boen.
No matter where we are hanging out, their presence and our togetherness what is important.
It's not the coffee, it's you girls :)
Two women of faith, love, intellect, and passion. We have so many things in common. We don't smoke, we love food,  we love The Kardashians, we READ, we listen to the same music.
I cherish both of you, Net, San, where on earth could I find friends like you ladies? 
I couldn't  agree more with there goes saying "You are what your friends are" :)

3. FEAR stands for False Evidences Appear Real
You guys know that I tweet a lot. I just happen to love twitter. Where via twitter, you are able get to know a person exactly who they are, what's inside their head, their values, they way they see things, on and on
I've been following some friends, friends of friends, starts to be, a real star, school mate, office fella, and cousins.
What I wanna emphasize here is a lady who in twitter is terribly funny and smart. She is a emmm celebrity? she is a well known musician a friend of my friend.I've been following her for the last 6 months, and I had to met her for the first time like a month ago. I was very much nervous before I met her. She is a mature famous woman, so funny and smart, how could I stand talk to her for the next couple of hours. What kind of conversation matches her best? I'm afraid of not compatible enough to converse with her. 
But guess what, the moment we shook hand and talked, she didn't seem so frightening, in a matter of fact I was way cooler and more talkative than she was. The image of her I've been assuming recently was way beyond the reality. 
What was the lesson learned: 1.Either you can fool or inspire people by twitter
                                                2.Fear is a bunch of crap. Deal it. Conquer it.

4. Make Friends. Gain love.
I met lots of new people and make connection with them. I'm a people person. People has been my passion. Making new friends is what I love to do the most. Feeling loved and alive are what friendship do to you, and I thanked God for brought them in my life. 
One of 'em is @shandysatya, an imaginary friend of mine. That's what @radiantice said.
Accidentally became a virtual close friend through network connection. It began with a simple line "I'd like to order Shadow Puppets Extended Play album, what should I do?" I most likely have no idea where it'd began, but we kept contacting and bbm each other on and on and turned out to be an intense one. Like not a day goes by without bbm-ing, bbm pic-ing with Shandy. The funny thing is even though we chatted intense, we hadn't met each other for almost 4 months. The "it" day was at Birdcage on Shadow Puppets concert which held last month, Nov 19, 2010.
Shandy is a smart, kind, genuine, and funny person. I admire his passion of music, passion of books and education. Shandy is smart just like a walking dictionary. I can ask or discuss anything with him.
Many times I told him that I cherished his personality who is objective and never being judgmental despite all the odd wacky absurd about me. You know what I mean, Shan....
Dear Shandy: Thank you for always be there, thou everything was floating over the air and sounded virtual but I feel you're real :) You've been a wonderful companion. I learned too many things from you, Shan. May God bless you abundantly and may all your dreams come true. Merci beacoup, monsieur "Tschüss"! :)

@Ayundavira Intan
Intan lectures supplementary "Life Drawing" class. She is such a sweet feminine talented girl from small town, Jember. Intan has just converted from Moslem to Christian. Seeing her fresh faith and her thirst of knowing the truth has burned the compassion heart inside of me . She flooded me with questions about the Word of God and how to apply it to everyday living. His boyfriend who is  a guitarist of rasing star local band named Night To Remember is also fond of me, he teased me alot like everytime we met.

5. Work with love. Do what you love. Love what you do.
Business has been running well all the way 2010. At early of the year I worked for Priyayi Batik which only last for 3 months. Then I'm blessed with working for former college I used to study, Esmod as a Public communication and in house stylist.
Also for DARE, we planed to write a fashion guide book for Jakartaian. And the last thing is a fashion line I and Elis created to fulfill our highest calling as a fashion designer.
When I work with love, I doubt that I work, I live :)

6. Travel

I got to see the other part of the world, that was Phuket-Thailand. 
It was the 3rd honeymoon for me & @Unyil_13 . We got to see James Bond rock, and bencong Thailand performances in Patong rd clubs. On June i visited my so called hometown, Singapore with lifetime bff @Nadya_NiQue We kept eating, ciy touring, shopped till bokek, and getting jompoooo.
I should've traveled more. NEXT YEAR lah!

7. Love doesn't always possessing. Cinta tidak harus memiliki.
I know this may sound lame, i know some people would disagree with me. You have the right to voice up as much as I have the right to spit it out.
I'm still crushing the same guy I met early 2010. Still. The same guy for the same reason.
Things didn't go the way I expected to become, there is nothing worse than to fall for a guy and he falls to another girl. So, i bite my lips.
I had a (serious) broken heart at the moment, I traveled overseas, I kept myself busy, you know...trying so hard to distracted my focus. And eventually I had overcome the feeling for months till something happened in the middle of the year. Then I fell in love again ( the same the same reasons) seems like I fall in love with him everytime I see him.

He is definitely a rising star, the next big thing. I've seen some of his works, performances, and articles. What a W.O.W!! A soft voice whispering out of my heart like I would like sit on the first row of his every performance, and I would like to write his name on the "special thanks" of my soon to launch book.
I don't feel like to write all down here just in case he bumps into this page and figure out this confidential thing.

Love doesn't mean possessing. The happiness of my loved ones are what matter the most, with or without me.
No matter how much I love someone, I can't force them to love me in return since I don't posses the power to change it,  I can travel the world but I can't run away from the person in my heart.
8. "Nothing is better than the good news I heard this morning"
That was what I tweeted on Nov 19, 2010 early morning 9.45 am.
My demigod boss, Patrice Decilles gently grabbed my arms and said calmly "Ruthie, I need you to learn French because I put your name on the list to go to French with me for Esmod International meeting next summer"
You know what was my respond? I leaped and acted adolescent such as "Yeeaay, I'm goin to Paris" not to forget to mention I gave my boss a hug with teary eyes. 
God knows my heart, God heard my prayer, God loves me (as always)

9. Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Still talking about Patrice, my demigod Boss.
The term "demigod", meaning "half-god", is commonly used to describe mythological figures whose one parent was a god and whose other parent was human.
Why do I call him a demigod? Since Patrice granted with beautiful appearance just like normal French outthere :))) He also has the biggest heart, kindest heart, wise, and looooooong suffering.
Everyone loves Patrice. He has a soft tone voice, warm hug, and deep eye contact to everyone he meets. like everyone. He even treats waiter and security as family.
Often he attends big events, fashion show just wearing a simple shirt or T's paired with jeans. Simple one, but everyone seemed to honor Patrice. He speaks calm and gentleman, thinks wise and smart.
Patrice is a gay and proud to be one. None of his personality is bad about him, and if there is any then I DO NOT WANNA KNOW.
I still remember the good old days when I was still his menswear student, he was a passionate teacher. He would pleasantly stayed until late just to be with us the students, making sure we comprehend what he had been teaching us, and always checking on us in terms of school work or personal life. Patrice was a superb lecture and is a SUPERB boss. I love Patrice just the way he is. Esmod Jakarta is nothing without Patrice. Nobody can do it better than him.
I wish him salvation and an eternity. May God bless him a divine grace as much (or more) as I have received years ago :) love love love love!

10. Carecell Sabang
I'm involved in a church community called carecell. Reside in Jl. Sabang every Thursday 7pm. The community consists of 7 wonder women: @EliskaRatna @Judy_Kezia @Fanny_Agustine @NannyWidjaja Retty, dan Prima. We practice what we have learned in church and what the Bible says regarding community is to live together in which we put aside our own needs and start to focus on others, support any of us both mentally and spiritually. Judy, Ska, and Fanny are responsible funky core team. They respect me humanly, never underestimate me and giving fully sincere supports in everything that I do. There's nothing i covered up, I'm brutally open so they know I am who I am in and out. They see me flying higher in career, weeping due to broken heart, galau gempita, timidly shy, madly abhor, cursing, on and on.
Ladies, i wish you nothing but the very best. Thank you for the bitter&sweets 2010. I know your prior pray list is future spouse. You girls have all what it takes to have a boyfriend. May God grants you all heart's desires :)
Hugs and Kisses from Ruthia Pasaribu :)

11. What's the worst that could happen?
I've been through series of  pain, rejection, failure, and broken heart. Here I am shine brighter and grow stronger. Seriously, what's the worst that could happen?
I don't get why some people are complaining too much about life. Well, if you dislike your current situation, then change it! You have the power to choose and turn around your situation.

So, 2010 is about to end up and 2011 is just around the corner. I have nothing to regret on 2010 and I am ready to face the new year. God has been too kind to me the whole year. He granted me the desire of my hearts.
Family, friends, works, financial, hobbies, etc God leads me from one step to another. I sit with the kings, i tried new things, I met new people, I sobbed, I laughed, I smiled, I scared.
Bitter and sweet two thousand and ten, whatever they are, I am so grateful :) Life has been good.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Shabby Chic

I changed personality. Ruthia currently loves Shabby Chic decorating. Anything smells classic, feminine, and antique.
Peach. Salmon shade. Roses.



Shabby Chic Kitchen

White. bedroom.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010


i started like you when you decided to walk out...too late has always been my portion

self affirmation

Wednesday, 1 December 2010 at AlunAlun Grand Indonesia

Dear friends, please do check out my clothing line "" at AlunAlun Grand Indonesia 3rd level 

office desk

Cute mug from Diana Widjaya
Cute notebook from Ryan Pradhanny
Cute makeUp case from Fanny Agustina
see.... everybody loves me :)))))

menetralisir kemuakan

saya muak. yes. saya muak dan eneg dengan dunia mewah yang berkilau, gaya tetapi palsu.

1. Muak dengan kecantikan. (Baca: Make-uP)
Saya sampai pada titik muak lihat make-up tebal.
Bulu mata palsu, smokey eyes make-up, black eyeshadow, 360' black eyeliner, shading here and there, white eye liner on the corner of the eye, rambut di-cat, rambut dikiwil-kiwil (curled up), rambut dilurusin.
Can't just people be grateful of who they are and what they have given. What is so bad about slanted eyes,  chubby face, big ass, curly hair, straight hair, and all that? Tell me about it! what is so bad about that?!?!?
Make-up is created to freshen up your face so you won't look dull, excentuate your strength so you would feel good about yourself. Not to make you look the same with everybody else and create who you are not supposed to be.

2. Muak dengan thunder heals, printed fabrics, layers, bling-bling, stylish fashion clothes.
Yeah. Muak juga dengan baju yang mewah, potongan berkelok-kelok, thunder heals, stilleto yang super tinggi itu, baju penuh dengan layers, pemakaian aksesoris yang serasi dari kalung-anting-gelang-cincin. Muaknya melihat aksesoris bling-bling kling-kling cling-cling.

3. Lalu saya muak dengan tekhnologi.
Adanya Blackberry, Blackberry messenger, Yahoo messenger, e-mail, iPad, komputer, membuat esensi original dari suatu komunikasi berkurang. Tidak ada yang lebih baik dari kontak mata, sentuhan, hangatan pelukan, komunikasi 2 arah.
Saya menghargai notes dan tulisan tangan saya sendiri. Saya menumpahkan isi hati dan perasaan saya dengan tangan saya dan terkadang dengan kertas sedikit berkerut dikarenakan tetesan air mata yang tertumpah. Saya tidak punya kekasih hati, tapi suatu hari, saya mau menuliskan surat cinta dengan tangan saya sendiri. Saya lebih senang menelfon, mendengar suara teman-teman dan keluarga yang saya kasihi di saat rindu sungguh sangat menyejukkan hati :)

4. Muak dengan tekanan lingkungan dengan status lajang saya.
P.L.E.A.S.E Tolong jangan hakimi saya karena saya pemilih. Jangan paksa saya untuk mencintai orang yang tidak saya cintai. Jangan paksa saya untuk berhenti menunggu pria yang saya kagumi.

5. Muak dengan tas (Louis Vuitton) palsu.
Sebenarnya tas Louis Vuitton itu tidak cantik loh. Kuno malah tampilannya, tapi kualitas sih angkat empat jempol. Kokoh dan awet. Untuk memilikinya, ya harus keluar kocek minimal Rp 20juta.
Kalau ngerti, sebenarnya orang2 kaya itu mencari kualitas itunya. Saya bingung kenapa orang berbondong-bondong membeli tas LV palsu. Model nggak bagus2 amat, kualitas bobrok. Eneg neg neg neg melihat tas branded palsu dimana-mana. Begitu juga dengan Hermes. Perlu ya demi harga diri belanja tas yang "mencoba mirip" supaya harga diri naik sedikit. Ugh.

Saya nyaman dengan diri saya sendiri.
Saya ingin berpakaian ringan setiap hari. Cantik dengan one piece warna netral, mengenakan flats atau sandal, make-up nude look, rambut sehat digerai, anting pearl diameter 0.5 cm. Makan seadanya yang penting sehat dan kenyang. Tidak masalah naik ojeg atau bus yang penting saya tepat waktu dan tidak kehujanan.
Tidak iri dengan kecantikan wanita2 Jakarta, tidak meng-edit wajah di photoshop demi foto Facebook bagus, tidak perlu wajah miring ke kiri dan ke kanan demi menutupi pipi tembem saya.
Tidak masalah bila pria-pria yang jatuh cinta sama saya meninggalkan saya karena saya rakus, mengetahui bahwa saya tidak secantik bila di-make-up, tidak secantik di foto2 facebook/bbm prof pic, tidak sebaik-selembut yang mereka perkirakan.
Cinta kasih dan penerimaan dari keluarga dan sahabat2 terdekat jauh lebih dari cukup. Saya tidak perlu mencari perhatian di luar.
Saya mengutamakan attitude saya, keluasan wawasan saya, hubungan pribadi dengan Tuhan, dan kontribusi saya dengan dunia. Saya ingin menjadi solusi, penyemangat, penggembira untuk lingkungan saya. Untuk itu saya belajar keras, membaca buku, banyak berhemat, membuang sampah pada tempatnya, menghemat listrik, berusaha jujur, tepat waktu, banyak tertawa, segera mengampuni, dan berusaha apa adanya, se-a.p.a-a.d.a.n.y.a.

I'm not weird. I'm limited edition